Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Rest in Peace, Gnorman

Gnorman the Gnome began his life at a Menards in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago. From there he traveled to Richmond, VA, via USPS (with air holes in the carton) and was lovingly placed among the flowers in the garden of the Hillis home. Family members took great delight in moving him about, so that he could have a change of scenery every so often, much to the annoyance of Sue, who spent a great deal of time looking for Gnorman, thinking he had run off or been gnome-gnapped. He lead a quiet life, with gno worries or cares. He was visited by all of the Hillis grandchildren as well as the wildlife in the area.

Recently Gnorman was found to be missing again, but this time gnone of the family members were guilty of moving him. Sue began stalking her letter carrier, thinking a ransom gnote would be sent soon. That ransom gnote gnever came.

I received the following message from Sue today: I am sorry to tell you of the demise of our friend Gnorman...we found him in the woods a few days ago with bite marks on his head and other parts of his anatomy...I am thinking a dog must have had his way with Gnorm...hopefully he lost consciousness early in the assault and was gnot awake for the entire experience. We will have quiet ceremony, and he'll be buried on the corner that we use as a memorial garden for Panzer, Maggie, Puddles, Jammer, and gnow, Gnorman...

Goodbye Gnorman, you were a gnoble gnome! You will gnever gnow how much you will be missed.

Update: In a statement released from the Roaming Gnome, Travelocity spokesgnome, Roaming Gnome stated that he was saddened to hear of Gnorman's demise. "He was more than just a cousin, he was a dear friend." Roaming Gnome went on to say that he would have gladly paid any ransom asked for to return Gnorman to his home.
Local authorities continue to look into Gnorman's demise and have questioned area dogs and have cast tooth prints in plaster in attempts to match the fatal bite marks. The public is asked to beware of dogs absconding with beloved gnomes. A reward by the United Brotherhood of Gnomes has been offered for any information leading to the apprehension and gneutering of the offending dog.

Sue was comforted by all the gneighborhood gnomes that attended the burial. We didn't gnow he had so many friends!


MrsJ said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Love it!


Martha said...

awww, that's so sad. My condolences go out to his loved ones.

(yet, I'm laughing!)

Finlands finest said...

That is great! Love it!!

Mamma Sarah said...

LOL! Great post.